Selecting a mediator

Have you decided you want to agree upon a mediator as part of establishing a relationship in a business with business, business with client, or interpersonal relationship? Are you at a point in a relationship where there is a need to call for third party intercession not as an advocate for one side but as a neutral? If so how do you go about seeking out and selecting a mediator?

A mediator is someone with whom your relationship is creating another relationship of mutual trust, competence, and with a set of expectations a mediator has the skills you need to reach agreement.

Having people in a relationship mutually agree upon mediation comes with an understanding of what mediation is. One way to look at mediation is as an intercession by a third party using a process designed to match the needs of the parties when they themselves are unable to reach agreement because there are disconnects that preclude them from finding resolution.

However, the parties maintain control of decision making.

In order for mediation to play a useful role in a relationship it is important to set and understand expectations. Although there are processes and means by which to convey various levels of authority to a mediator let’s stick to mediation in which all authority for decision making is retained by the parties – often called facilitative mediation. So, unless parties do otherwise their expectation, should they be in conflict, includes dealing with issues as a form of problem solving where each party lays out their issues and their needs – followed by identification of alternatives – followed by selection of an alternative which they mutually agree satisfies their needs and resolves their issues.

Mediators are people who have skills meant to utilize a process by which they draw parties into problem solving – identifying and selecting from a set of alternatives – and reaching agreement. All of this, while holding the trust and confidence of each party they understand, because they are good listeners and can accurately, at least recite in some fashion they, comprehend each party’s issues, perspective and needs.

How do you find out? Well, just as in other critical selection processes, there is still no better way to make a pick then through a face to face discussion, followed by using the phone and engaging in a conversation, using a set of probing, or open ended, and specific questions.

“I , we are looking for a mediator. Tell me a bit about yourself, your background, experience?”

Follow up by getting a level of understanding about the process they utilize.

“Can you tell me what you do when people want to incorporate mediation in establishing a business with business relationship where disagreements may arise? For example what do you do if there is a disagreement over price in a business transaction, say purchase of widgets?”

Make sure prospects understand whether you are calling solo or there has been mutual agreement to create a relationship with a mediator by the parties in a relationship.
If the call is solo ask prospects how they go about making contact and reaching agreement to engage a mediator.

How do they charge for their services? Lead times to respond, time from a request for a session to actually holding a mediation, steps involved in getting to mediation?

Have as concise a statement as possible about what engagement of a mediator you envision and what expectations parties or an individual might have.

“We’re forming an antiques business where there is lots of risk and we may disagree about whether or not we should purchase a particular antique. Do you have any experience in this type of business?”

In this kind of relationship are you looking for experience in this particular type of business transaction or whether you are more interested in the process which a mediator may use in this type of situation? Does the prospect make sense, have a logical approach, exhibit confidence they can deal with this type of situation?

Remember a mediator does not represent any one party, but all the parties in a relationship – mediators are not advocates.

Shop around.

Most mediators have web sites, many have blogs, e-newsletters, brochures, business cards etc. There is still no better way to learn about a mediator then through a word of mouth referral.

Make sure that all the parties in a relationship agree upon a mediator. Entering into mediation and agreeing on a mediator are important decision mutually made towards increasing the probability of successfully dealing with issues in a relationship and ultimately resolving them to maintain harmony and reach agreement.